Purging my guilt

My brother committed suicide two years ago. I was a bit of a basket case after the funeral, and went through a phase where I didn't want to share anything with my family (regarding his death, the funeral, my feelings). I've felt guilty about it ever since, not just about his death, but about my actions afterwards.

One thing I would like to share is that I stole a letter from the pile of condolence letters. I don't know if they had seen it yet, but it touched me deeply, and I wanted it for myself, I didn't want to let anyone see that I was taking comfort from anything. The letter contained a simple poem/prayer. I'm sharing it now:



Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there.
I do not sleep.
I am a thousands winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there.
I did not die.

mary elizabeth frye - 1932